I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
