I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
