absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
