So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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