Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've blown a few things in my day
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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