If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
