Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
