you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
