Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
