is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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