You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
