i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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