Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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