I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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