The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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