i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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