VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My life is pants optional.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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