my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
