Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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