My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
