Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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