Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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