Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
