He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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