just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
