So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
