Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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