Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
These tits shall not be calmed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
