Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
