have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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