I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
