the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize