I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
