and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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