i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
