I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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