what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
