piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
