I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
