I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
