oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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