So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
