I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
