ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
