I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize