make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
