oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
