Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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