i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
