Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
