tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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