glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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