Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize