You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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