where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize