some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize