VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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