I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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