I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
