i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Shame - the story of my life.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
