i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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