Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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