You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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