I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
