I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
