I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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