The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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