we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
