I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
