I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so let's talk penis.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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