His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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