There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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