I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
