i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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