Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
