I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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